Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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