ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The best revenge is premature balding
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
