did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
