She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
