You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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