I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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