Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
