I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
