My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
