My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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