who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
