sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
