saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
