Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
