Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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