i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
