I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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