I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
