I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
