There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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