i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
