dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
