uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
