it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
