I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
