All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
