I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
