i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
