you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
