Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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