its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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