i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
