If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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