dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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