i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
