Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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