I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
