Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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