i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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