If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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