Your face is a jimmy john
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
