Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want nice things and good sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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