The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
