I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I touched a dick in church today
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