literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
