pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
