you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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