I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
