FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
