So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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