I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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